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Smarmie

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sweet [Aug. 19th, 2007|10:43 am]
Smarmie
[mood |hungryhungry]

I can access LJ on my cool new phone. Now if I could only get myspace to work on this thing I could waste gobs of time anywhere.
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beware free samples [Sep. 9th, 2006|07:56 pm]
Smarmie
[mood |nauseatedgrossed out]

Hey there boys and girls, listen up because this here is a cautionary tale.

Yesterday I went to the Pike Place Market with my friend Justin and his girlfriend Suzette. We passed by a booth selling handmade soaps and lotion bars. The place was run by fairly clean looking hippies. Nothing to be wary of. There were several open bars of soap and lotion on the counter that potential customers could sample. And many of them did, rubbing a bit of the lotion off of the bar onto their hands and arms or face. Justin and I hung out near this booth for a short time while Suzette went to shop for something else. While standing at this booth we observed a homeless guy take a bar of the lotion and rub it onto his hands. Then he put the lotion down his pants and rubbed it on his crotch. Apparently his ass was chapped too because he also stuck the bar down the back of his pants. When he was finished he put the lotion bar back in it's place and moved on to the next bar of lotion. And then the next one, and then the next one.

So careful what you sample because you may be rubbing some skeezy dude's ball sweat on your face and not even know it.
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Some white people are so stupid. [Jul. 14th, 2006|01:12 pm]
Smarmie
[mood |irritatedirritated]

answers to questions posted in a "listen to me whine because I'm white and sooooo misunderstood" bulletin.


Why is this?

"You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "White Boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," or "Caveman" and that's OK."

yes, it IS okay... and funny!

But when I call you "Nigger," "Towelhead," "Sand-nigger," "Camel Jockey," "Beaner," "Gook" or "Chink" you call me a racist.

that's because usually the person you are calling a "chink" is actually Japanese, or the "Beaner" is actually from South America. If you're too fucking stupid to know what somebody's ethnicity is maybe lay off the racial slurs because it makes you look like an idiot.

"You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?"

Because these areas have been kept poor on purpose. Who do you think owns the buildings? Who do you think is profiting from their poverty? Ghettos are dangerous because you throw a bunch of underprivileged people together, deprive them of education, rob them of hope, introduce them to crack... what do you think is going to happen? Lets try this as an experiment: throw five dogs in a cage designed to hold two. Now, leave them in there and only feed them every other day. From time to time kick them and never, ever let them run free. See how violent they turn?

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You have the NAACP. You have BET.

If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.

you DO have WET, it's called ABC, NBC, and most of all Fox News Channel.

If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.

every day is White Pride Day. every day that you don't have to worry about getting sick because you have health insurance, every day that you don't have to worry about getting arrested for a crime that you didn't commit (like juggling weapons at a bum) simply because you are the wrong color... that's white pride day

If we had white history month, we'd be racists.

Are you kidding? You have white history 12 years. It's called K-12 public education, 8 years of which are manditory.

If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.

you do have an organization for only whites to advance your lives. It's called the GOP. (the Republican party for those of you who aren't politically savvy) Sure they have their token minorities, but they do nothing to advance their quality of lives.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.

There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.

and for how many years was EVERY college in the US a white only college? Hmmm? Do you ever stop to consider that?

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

And what rights, exactly are you white people being deprived of? Anyone? Because I can't really think of a one. I get paid well at work and they treat us fairly and with respect. Therefore I do not protest against my work for more rights. ONLY PEOPLE WITH GRIEVANCES PROTEST

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

Do me a favor. Google the term "White Pride" and tell me what the first five websites are about. Oh, and on a side note... who the fuck is orange? Are you saying there's Oompa Loompas out there stating their "Orange Pride"?

You rob us, carjack us and shoot at us. But when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.


yeah or when white cops shoot a black guy 39 times when he reaches for his wallet. Or when white cops beat a black guy on camera and are still acquitted even though they were caught on camera. And that comment: "you rob us, carjack us, shoot at us..." all those crimes are a product of poverty. Now look at white crimes: Corporate fraud like Enron, while not violent, hurts us all. Or better yet, look at all the serial killers... the sick fucks that rape, torture, kill and sometimes eat their victims. What did they all have in common? Oh yeah, they were white.

I am proud but you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this email. Let's see which of you are proud enough to forward it.

you may not be "racist" but you're sure as shit ignorant. It kind of bothered me that most of this negative shit was aimed towards black people. All different races of people came to America looking for a better life. Only one race was kidnapped, taken from their homeland and families, and forced to labor for rich fat cats. Only one race of people were told that they were not equal to a whole person. They were in fact only equal to 3/5 of a person. America was built on the backs of slaves and here we are, more than 200 years later still treating them like shit. Did you think 10 acres and a mule was enough?
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pills, pills and more pills [Apr. 20th, 2006|10:36 pm]
Smarmie
[mood |nauseatednauseated]

I thought maybe this time I could take oxycodone without puking. I've been taking them for a little over a week now along with some sort of anti-histamine that's supposed to control the nausea. I would usually feel all yucky in the stomach but that was it. Until tonight when out of nowhere I'm throwing up beef stew into my mouth whilst madly scrambling for the bathroom. I made it just in time. On the plus side, I may be able to call my doctor and convince him to perscribe me Darvocet which is a bit weaker but doesn't make me hurl. This would leave me with some 25 extra oxycodone. That wouldn't be too bad, but as for now my fucking arm hurts and my painkillers make me hurl. SUCK!
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Cops suck [Feb. 16th, 2006|09:34 am]
Smarmie
Yesterday as I was driving home from Mario's work in Everett I got pulled over on the freeway.  The cop was one of those cocky "Respect me, I have a gun" types.  He walks up to my car and asks me if I know what the speed limit is, which apparently I didn't.
"Uh... 70?"  I replied.
"NO!  It's 60!  6! 0!  60!"  He shouted into my window.
"Yeah, I wasn't sure so I was just keeping pace with you"  which was true, I was in the carpool lane and he was in the left lane.  We were going exactly the same speed as he had to brake to pull in behind me.
His reply was, 
"Yeah, well I'm a cop"  at which point he looked up, turned around, walked back to his car and drove off. 
He never asked me for my license, insurance or registration.  He mostly just shouted the speed limit at me.  It was at that point that I noticed two things.  The cop that pulled me over was not a Highway Patrol guy, he was just a regular cop.  The other thing I noticed is that there was a Highway Patrol guy across the freeway pulled over.
Which makes me wonder, can a regular cop pull you over on the freeway and write you a ticket or is it out of their jurisdiction?
Maybe thats why he left in such a hurry.  Or maybe it was time for his 12 o'clock hy-colonic.  I may never know.
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21-10? or 17-14 [Feb. 5th, 2006|10:38 pm]
Smarmie
I don't know what game the refs were watching because as far as I could tell it was Hawks 17 Steelers 14. Now I can't say I was keeping an eye on the game the whole time because I did have to work, but I got to see a robbed touchdown (how was that pass interference?)... a bullshit touchdown (if the ball goes over the line after you're down it doesn't count) and some really shitty reffing all around (if you hit a guy that has the ball it's called a tackle, not blocking). Never have I heard so many people yell bullshit so loud and so many times. But what do you expect. East coast team, east coast stadium, east coast fans and of course, east coast refs.
If Seattle had played a bad game I would understand. It's a Seattle thing, come real far and then choke, we would expect it. It's been done before.. many times. But to play good football and then get fucked by some retarded officiating is pretty fuct.
"I've never felt so empty being right. I feel dirty. I wish I'd been wrong. The Steelers did not deserve to win this game. They were not the better team. O'Connor was right. Seattle was the better team.

So, Paul Tagliabue, how does a team lose when it outgains an opponent by 57 yards, controls time of possession and wins the turnover battle?" http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5310192

yeah... check the stats, who deserved to win? who got fucked? who lost 40 bucks on the game... oh wait, that last one was me... hence the bitterness.

So, I lost some money betting on the game. No biggie, but to work on super sunday... the tips were good when there was some hope, but the worse the game got the worse the tips were. I swear to god, if the seahawks had won I would have broken 500 easy. And for that, if nothing else, I'm fucking pissed.
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my car smells like beer [Jan. 26th, 2006|05:44 pm]
Smarmie
Some advice for those of you that may think of picking up a six pack and putting it in your trunk. Don't. Or at least don't drive like you're on a race track like I do. With all the crazy corners and stopping short my beers got a bit too fizzy and leaked out of the bottle. It was kind of weird because all the bottles are still sealed but a couple of them are half empty and my trunk is all wet. Incidently, the rest of my car also smells like beer. Now I have to drive all cautiously so I don't get pulled over. I don't see that working out so well for me.
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Question: [Jan. 18th, 2006|05:30 pm]
Smarmie
[mood |curiouscurious]

Do any of you fucks snowboard or ski?
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Dear Coca-Cola, [Dec. 15th, 2005|05:11 pm]
Smarmie
[mood |annoyedannoyed]

Polar bears and penguins live on oposite ends of the world from eachother. Please stop making commercials where they're hanging out, it's just stupid.
That is all.
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(no subject) [Dec. 3rd, 2005|05:40 pm]
Smarmie

It used to always bother me when I would see babies with snot all dried up on their noses.  Why don't their mothers wipe their noses?  I would puzzle over this.  Now that I have a runny nosed baby of my own I suddenly understand.  Babies, it turns out, hate having their noses wiped and yell at you for attempting such acts of hygene.  And even if you do manage to clean them up they just get all snotty again within minutes.  So yet another of life's mysteries solved. 

oh yeah, here's a recent pic of the runny nosed baby.

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